I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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