She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
