I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
FUCK WHALES
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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