Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
