White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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