What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
