I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize