god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
