You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
