I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
