Quick, to the slutcave!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
