I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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