I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize