when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
