We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
