I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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