At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well you can't waste a boner
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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