Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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