Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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