Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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