Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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