She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
