my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
