we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
