i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
