Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
