the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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