Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
