I swear god or herbie drove my car home
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drake has all the answers
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
