I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
