is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
