I just threw up on my dentist
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what day is it and did you see me today?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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