you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
