Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
