I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize