have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
