Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize