Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
