Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wanna go halves on a baby?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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