five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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