Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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