U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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