But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
