True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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