Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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