When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
