i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
