I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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