What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
