On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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