I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
