Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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