Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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