From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you had me at cake vodka
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have post one night stand depression
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
