we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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