she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
