I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
