So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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