Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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