Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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