I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
