i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
