I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
