Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
