Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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