The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
